The tunnel : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 4 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The tunnel : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 4
John Stuart Mill · en
The fire blazed into her face. She dropped her cape over the back of her
chair and sat in the glow; the small pat of butter was not enough for
the large roll. Pictures came out of the fire, the strange moment in her
room, the smashing of the plaque, the lamplit den; Mr. Orly's song, the
strange rich difficult day and now her untouched self here, free, unseen
and strong, the strong world of London all round her, strong free
untouched people, in a dark lit wilderness happy and miserable in their
own way, going about the streets looking at nothing, thinking about no
special person or thing, as long as they were there, being in London.
Even the business people who went about intent, going to definite places
were in the secret of London and looked free. The expression of the
collar and hair of many of them said they had homes. But they got away
from them. No one who had never been alone in London was quite alive....
I'm free--I've got free--nothing can ever alter that she thought, gazing
wide-eyed into the fire, between fear and joy. The strange familiar pang
gave the place a sort of consecration. A strength was piling up within
her. She would go out unregretfully at closing time and up through
wonderful unknown streets, not her own streets till she found Holborn
and then up and round through the Squares.
2
On the hall table lay a letter ... from Alma; under the shadow of the
bronze soldier leaning on his gun. Miriam gathered it up swiftly. No one
knew her here ... no past and no future ... coming in and out unknown,
in the present secret wonder. Pausing for a moment near the smeary
dimly-lit marble slab the letter out of sight she held this
consciousness. There was no sound in the house ... its huge high thick
walls held all the lodgers secure and apart, fixed in richly enclosed
rooms in the heart of London; secure from all the world that was not
London, flying through space, swinging along on a planet spread with
continents--Londoners. Alma's handwriting, the same as it had been at
school only a little larger and firmer, broke into that. Of course Alma
had answered the postcard ... it had been an impulse, a cry of triumph
after years of groping about. But it was like pulling a string. Silly.
And now this had happened. But it was only a touch, only a finger laid
on the secret hall table that no one had seen. The letter need not be
answered. Out of sight it seemed to have gone away ... destroyed
unopened it would be as if it had never come and everything would be as
before.... Enough, more than enough without writing to Alma. An evening
paper boy was shouting raucously in the distance. The letter-box brought
his voice into the hall as he passed the door. Miriam moved on up the
many flights.
3